Sorry I am exhausted tonight.  I packed all my shit up because we are going home to visit my parents.  I am taking it with me because I will be talking to the school and will no for sure if I can take classes from here or not.  I talked to Robbie tonite and we said our goodbyes.  He is going to be on TLC a Wedding Story for his friends wedding in Sept. or Aug.  I've been talking to Eli, my ex-fiancee again and he seems like his old self again the one I feel in love with.  I told him I would see him when I return home.  I will not even consider dating him again unless I know he has changed and I feel I am completely ready to be with him and only him.  I love him and always will.  Maybe someday we can get back together but not anytime soon.  I also talked to Ryan tonite and he's doing ok.  I told him I would see him when I got home.  I talked to Danielle today also on e-mail and told her I would hang out with her this week too.  What a week this will be. Oh yeah I also cut my hair today.  It looks so cute.  If you have ever seen the Josie and the Pussycats movie, I look like Josie now, with it all flipped out and playful/flirty like LOL.  But anyhow I am tired and just wanted to at least post something since I will be gone for awhile.  I will write it all down on paper and transfer it when I get back. laterz

Damn!  I feel asleep on the couch last night after a pretty hectic tequila nite with my sister.  I talked to my old ex-boyfriend, Travis, who I was dating when I was addicted to meth.  I called him to bitch him out and just be a bitch, because I was feelin fiesty.  Well, he was actually being some what nice so I decided to give him a break.  We talked for some time.  He will be going to college this year in Spearfish.  We will have to get together and party sometime.  He told me about how he called this one chick "Tina, Tina, sperma queena" and she took a bat to him and broke his leg.  I couldn't help but say good to that one.  He put me through so much shit when we dated.  Anyways we talked for awhile and I am supposed to call him back today.  I will probably wait awhile before I do though.  I love to leave people in suspense sometimes.  Then after I got off the phone with him Miilo called, one of Tracy's friends and she was already in bed.  He decided he wanted to talk to me anyways.  He was a freaking riot.  He was so drunk and is from Georgia so he has a deep southern accent.  It was hard to understand him and he couldn't remember my name, so I replied what would you like it to be tonight and he said MommaSita.  I agreed and he stuck to it all night.  Then he got to the Frat house and we got off the phone because it was too hard to hear him.  I then fell asleep and awoke to my neice playin  with some coins in a glass jar, it was so noisy.  I told her to play with something else and passed out again.  Then I awake to glass shattering and my sister freaking out.   What happened was Haley was going to go play somewhere else and she had these stupid plastic high heels and was carrying the jar.  She dropped the jar and tried to catch it before it fell and it ended up gouging her outter thigh pretty good.  You could see the fat.  The skin was gone somewhere and it was such a clean cut she wasn't bleeding that much.  I flipped out and found her a turniquet and applied pressure anyways.  Tracy got the van ready and I carried her out.  We went to the emergency room and it ended up she had to get twenty stitches.  She was so brave.  She only cried when they had to give her the shot to numb it.  It looked painful.  By that time the adrenaline rush was fading and my hangover was coming.  I was holding her hand and suddenly I got hella hot and started sweating.  I had to sit down for awhile.  Then I started feeling better and held her hand some more while she got her stitches.  She was smilin and laughin the whole time.  We were so proud.  So, I took her out to eat at Sonics and she got a shake for being such a good girl.  Now we are all just relaxing and cleaning up the glass jar.  They say it was only a superficial wound and thank God for that.  Hopefully it dosen't leave too bad of a scar because she wants to be a model when she grows up and she so can.  She has the attitude for it and the walk to match.  It is so cute.  Well going to sign out for awhile and spend some time with my family. Laterz!

Many years of pain and turmoil
can make you insincere and full of fear
I can see it in your eyes
I can feel it in your touch

You are strong,
Have faith my sister,

Well, last night was quite interesting.  I finally got Tracy in a good mood and we were drinking, using the webcam, and having fun.  Tracy asked me to ask Robbie if he would hook us up and I did, he said he couldn't do that because he was out at the time.  He was getting off work at two in the morning because he had to go back to his hometown for his fathers surgery and he wanted to see me before he left for a couple minutes.  I said that was ok because Tracy was doin fine and was talking to someone on line and I was feeling kind of out of place anyways.  Well, I get of the phone and this time she says Your gonna leave me know that I'm finally having a good time?  Well, shit.  If it isn't her in a time of need it's her having a good time and I can't leave her at neither points according to her.  Well, that pissed me off and she was pissed.  We got into it and she was all up in my face and I was just pushing her to hit me so I could go off.  Well, she didn't hit me but instead she threw the pepper shaker at my chest.  I couldn't believe it.  It was so immature.  I just laughed and thought I can't hit her.  That will make me just as low as her and I am going to be the bigger one here.  We calmed down and decided that she can not help but get pissy when I go see Robbie, (she hates him because he ignored her one day because he didn't want to piss her off, and she is used to being center of attention, it's just really dumb) and I am going to be hurt everytime she gets upset at me, because I hate feeling like a failure or something to her.  I will try my best to ignore her and just let it go because it is easier then trying to talk to her about it.  Besides after I get away and with Robbie he makes me forget all about her and my problems anyways.  It was just a shitload of drama that I really didn't need.  So, I saw Robbie for a little bit last night and came in and we just let it go and drank a little more and talked on the phone.   Today we went shopping and got the girls registered for school.  It will be so great when they are gone during the day.  We can finally start to tan, get our hair and nails done, and just be girls LOL.  We also got the power of attorney for my mom so Tracy's son Josh can go to school with mom and dad.  Then we watched Shanghi Knight, that was a pretty funny movie.  I love Jackie Chan movies.  We also bought and watched Final Destination 2.  That movie gives me the creeps.  I always believe in my premonitions and signs and stuff.  I loved it.  It was very gory though.  All the death scenes were just uncanny and really really bloody.  Now I am just messin around in this journal and will probably go back to getting my other website up and running.  It actually has pictures of me and everything.  It is still kind of corny though LOL, but then again I already stated in my bio here I hate talking about myself, so that is why I think the other website is corny.

Well, today started of kind of bad because we heard on the news that three more soldiers were killed in Iraq that were from my brother in laws unit.  We were all holding our breaths and praying it was not him.  I feel sorry for the soldiers and their families that have lost their lives.  They were in a convoy and ran over another bomb.  My sister spent the afternoon sleeping to past time and I cleaned to cheer her up and keep my mind busy.  I cleaned the entire downstairs for three or four hours.  Right when I was done and sat down the phone rang. It was my brother in law calling from Iraq.  I almost started to cry.  I was so excited.  I ran upstairs and gave the phone to my sister and they were able to talk for awhile.  The signal was bad so it was hard to hear and they did not get to talk long.  He assured everyone he was fine and would return home unharmed.  It really brightened our moods.  Next my sister got on the computer and checked her e-mail and I recieved a letter from the Vice President of Academics and Student Affairs regarding my petition for twelve credit hours in a distance learning program they offer.  They usually only allow six and you can petition for nine, but I get VA benefits and need twelve to get them and stay on my parents health insurance.  She told me she was working on it but it is going slower then she anticipated because of summer break and all.  But that is a good sign because at least she didn't just shoot me down and say no.  Everything is really starting to come together for us here.  Hopefully I can get my petition okayed and stay here and be my sisters moral support.  I know I bitch about her sometimes but I love her with all my heart and would never leave her.  I have always wanted to live with her for awhile and now I finally have my chance.  It is a shame it had to be under these circumstances though.  I would love to have my brother in law here with us too because he is such a riot.  Still no word from Robbie today even though he said he was going to call me and get together today, and show me some new exersices I could try out.  I'm used to him saying one thing and doing another.  I guess things will probably never really work out between us anyways.  I will be moving eventually and have absolutely no interest in long distance relationships.  Besides, I will probably end up hooking up with Ryan when I get back home, I love him so much and he would treat me the way I should be treated.  He might even be able to get time off for work in September and come down and see me.  I will keep my fingers crossed.  I miss him so much.  Well, gonna go finish making supper.  I will prolly jabber in this later.